Whom to Marry

Then the fourteenth. Having treated a great many social matters, Allah (swt) now speaks more particularly of the family, and of the relations of persons within it. The family is what makes communities; so the lens narrows further, from matters of the community at large to the particular matters of family and of the individual.

A number of things are treated here, chiefly the discussion of nikāḥ and the discussion of ṭalāq, the latter at very great length.

At verse 221 Allah (swt) speaks of whom one may marry, and that it is not permitted to marry a pagan or an idolater. Marriage is to rest upon one's religion. In another verse Allah (swt) has permitted the marriage of Muslim men to Christian and Jewish women, but not the reverse. Yet, as is related in the hadith and from the Ṣaḥābah, it is disliked — for where the faiths differ it is very hard to arrive at a common understanding in the keeping of a family, a great part of the family being the children and the atmosphere in which they are raised. Where there are two different conceptions, the matter becomes difficult; and faith is for people a thing of the first importance.

It is not a thing at the margin. In the modern world faith is kept on the back burner, a side matter, a supplement to life. For Muslims it is a great matter, a matter of the first importance. Hence many cannot understand why Muslims say that it is not good to marry outside the faith — for it is faith that unifies the whole direction of one's worship and of one's living. Islam governs every part of our life; and if husband and wife do not share that, and hold different values in it, as they necessarily will, the thing becomes extremely difficult. It was permitted for need in certain cases, but it is held undesirable and disliked where there is no such need. That is with Christian and Jewish women only; with anyone else it is not permitted at all.

Allah (swt) treats this in detail, and then says that Allah invites you to Paradise, and to guidance, and to forgiveness by His leave; and Allah makes all of this plain.