When a Marriage Has Broken Down

Sometimes a marriage has irretrievably broken down, and one simply cannot see it. Unfortunately there are cultures in which the couple must stay together — a Catholic culture within Islam, almost, which is completely wrong. It is the Catholics who insist that a couple must stay together until death — "till death do us part". In Islam separation is permitted; yet there are cultures in which, no, the two must live together and stay together even when the marriage has irretrievably broken down: they sleep in separate rooms; they do not see one another. There is the case of a man saying, in so many words: I am simply having to stay together for numerous economic, children and other reasons. They lived in separate rooms. But, he went on, when I see her in the passage — and it was just before a Ramadan; he said, Ramadan is coming, and I want to be particular — do I have to say salām to her? Do I have to say anything to her? It was a most unusual situation. In Islam, then, separation is permitted.

The first step here, however, is that if you fear a dispute between them, and a separation of that kind, then send an arbiter from each side, so that they may try to resolve the matter. The family is to be involved; an arbiter is to be involved — someone who can stand in for the man — because sometimes the two do not even wish to speak to one another. There is so much suspicion, so much mistrust and distrust, that nothing works; and so someone else must step in and change the whole game. That is the way, sometimes. If they do desire reform, Allah will provide that tawfīq and that reconciliation between them. Allah (swt) is Most Knowing, and Allah is All-Aware and All-Knowing.