Sabr at the First Shock

Ṣabr cannot be controlled or postponed to a convenient moment: it belongs to the first shock, the sadmah. Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him) says that ṣabr, when it strikes — smacks one across the face, shocks in one go — lies in restraining the nafs al-ammārah from agitation at that moment, and in not complaining. An example: there is the account of a woman whose son had just died, met by Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him) in the graveyard. He and his companions had just buried another Muslim and were walking back when he came upon her, wailing, crying, making a great commotion over what had happened to her — crying and hitting her head. Her back was turned toward Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him), since she was facing the grave while he and his companions walked along the path behind her. Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him) said to her: "O woman, have ṣabr — Allah (swt) will give you the greatest ajr; have ṣabr." But she did not even look at him, and said: "Get away from my head, get away from me — do you not know what has happened to me? This is the end of my living, this is the end of my life, my life is ruined." Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him) said nothing, and walked away.

Some of the companions then came to the woman and told her that it was Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him) she had spoken to. She was thrown into even greater shock; she ran after him and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I am sorry — I did not mean to be disrespectful to you; I did not know what I was saying, I was in that emotional state, I did not know what to say; please forgive me, I did not mean those things." Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him) said: ṣabr is at the first shock — when it hits.

When truly bad news is heard, the response is to say innā lillāhi wa innā ilayhi rājiʿūn — from Allah we came, and to Allah is our return; He is the One who created us, and to Him we shall return; there is nothing beyond this. It is also sunnah of Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him) to say something immediately after it, in any language: yā Rabbī, please give me something better than my loss — something better than whatever has been lost, even if it is a pen, even a telephone, even a loved one, even the smallest affliction, the smallest trouble. One says innā lillāhi wa innā ilayhi rājiʿūn, yā Rabbī, give me something better than that, and it is sunnatullāh that Allah (swt) will give something better in its place.

This happened to both Umm Ḥabībah and Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with them), both wives of Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him), our mothers. When Umm Ḥabībah (may Allah be pleased with her) migrated to Abyssinia with the first group of muhājirūn, before the hijrah to Madīnah, her husband was a revert from Christianity to Islam. In the land of the Negus, the Najāshī, they received such beautiful treatment from the Christians there that, before long, her husband — who had converted from Christianity to Islam — converted back from Islam to Christianity. According to Islamic law, what happens then to their marriage? The nikāḥ is annulled, finished, khalāṣ — there is no nikāḥ, because a Muslim woman can never be married to a non-Muslim. Islamic law does not recognise such a marriage; even registered under a civil court, under Australian law, Chinese law, Japanese law, any law, even Aboriginal law, in the sight of Allah (swt) it is not a marriage at all — it is zinā. This is the law.

As soon as her husband became a non-Muslim, her nikāḥ was gone. She was in absolute distress: she was in a land of non-Islam, far away from any of her relatives, with no one to look after her, far from Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him), who was in the city of Madīnah, in a different country entirely, among other Muslims but with no maḥram whatsoever. When this happened — when she heard that her husband had apostatised, become murtad — she said: yā Rabbī, please give me somebody better than him, somebody better than him. That particular night she saw a dream: a beautiful full moon, coming from the heavens and entering into her clothing. In the morning, with such a beautiful feeling, she spoke to one of the Muslim women, who said: wait, this is a beautiful dream, let us wait a little and see what happens. After her ʿiddah was finished, three or four months later, a messenger came from Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him), all the way from Madīnah, with the good news that Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him), by the command of Allah (swt), was proposing to Umm Ḥabībah to be his wife. Allah (swt) had taken away the husband who was Christian, and Allah (swt) gave, in his place, Muḥammad Muṣṭafā (peace be upon him) as a husband.

The same thing happened to Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her). When Abū Salamah passed away, she said the same words — innā lillāhi wa innā ilayhi rājiʿūn, yā Rabbī, give me a better husband, a better husband — and before long she too received the same proposal from Rasūlullāh (peace be upon him), by the command of Allah (swt).

This is what happens to a Muslim. The key is to recognise that this is a test from Allah (swt), and to have, immediately, the adab suited to this situation, showing ṣabr, not complaining, not complaining.