A Secret Kept From a Wife

When the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) left, the wife of Saʿd ibn al-Rabīʿ came to him and said, "What did the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) tell you?" He told her, "It's none of your business." She said, "Well, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) told you this and that, because I heard him." Saʿd ibn al-Rabīʿ said, "Innā lillāhi wa innā ilayhi rājiʿūn" — this is what one says when a disaster happens. Then he went to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and told him: "My wife knows about it, and I came to tell you that just in case the information gets out, I don't want you to think that I am the one who leaked it." The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) told him, "Khallihā ʿanhā" — leave her alone.

From this it is learned that a secret is a secret: it does not have to be told to anyone. Saʿd ibn al-Rabīʿ refused to tell it to his own wife, and he made it very clear: I'm not going to tell you, it's none of your business. In such issues relating to the security of the Muslims and military operations, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) would function with the Companions on a need-to-know basis — somebody who doesn't have a need for this information doesn't have to know it. So Saʿd ibn al-Rabīʿ, just because she was his wife, didn't go and tell her what the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) had told him; he wasn't trying to impress his wife with the fact that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) had come and told him about it, and he wasn't trusting anyone with this information. If information is a trust, an amānah, one has to treat it as such: it is an amānah, and if someone tells you it is a secret and you go and talk about it, then you are being dishonest — khiyānah, lā amānah, not keeping the trust. A husband is inclined to tell his wife about everything, but that is not right: some issues need to be kept away from the closest of one's relatives — parents, wife, children — because, again, this is an amānah. It is hoped that the sisters will not be offended by what has been said, but emotions can sometimes affect a person, male or female; however, the make-up of females is that they are more emotional than men. Now, this is not the case in every situation: this is talking about the majority. And the wife would be quite upset that her husband is keeping information away from her sometimes; but the context of this situation needs to be understood: it was something regarding the security of the nation, of the Muslim ummah. And it is hoped also that the brothers will not take these words and abuse them, and try to keep away information that the wife needs to know. So it is hoped that this is not taken out of context.