Zaynab bint Jaḥsh and the End of Adoption

The next event within this period concerns Zaynab bint Jaḥsh. Zaynab bint Jaḥsh, from Quraysh, was the sister of ʿAbdullāh ibn Jaḥsh, whose story was told in the earlier lectures. Her mother is Umaymah bint ʿAbd al-Muṭṭalib, the sister of Ḥamzah; so her mother is the aunt of the Messenger of Allah, which makes her his cousin. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) visited Zaynab bint Jaḥsh (may Allah be pleased with her) and proposed to her marriage to his adopted son Zayd ibn Ḥārithah. Zayd ibn Ḥārithah had been a slave, and he was asking Zaynab bint Jaḥsh, who came from the nobility of Quraysh, to marry a slave. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) wanted to break the barriers of discrimination and racism that existed, and he wanted to start among his own family: he asked that Zayd ibn Ḥārithah marry his own cousin, Zaynab bint Jaḥsh.

She said no. He said: yes, you will marry him. She said: O Messenger of Allah, let me think about it. And while they were talking, the āyah was revealed:

It is not fitting for a believer, man or woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Messenger, to have any option about their decision; and if anyone disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he is indeed on a clearly wrong path. If our desires are contrary to something the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) wants us to do, we still do what the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) wants us to do. It is important that we do not follow our whims and desires, but follow the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him). What excuse do we have for not following his Sunnah? What excuse do we have for not following the law of Allah? Just because we do not like it? Just because it did not suit our hawā, our whims and desires? We are slaves of Allah, and we are followers of Muḥammad (peace be upon him), and whatever we are told to do, we do. It is not up to us.

So Zaynab bint Jaḥsh, when this āyah was revealed, said: I accept him as a husband; I will not disobey the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him); I marry him myself. But, subḥān Allāh, things did not work out. There was no compatibility, and after a year they were divorced. Zayd ibn Ḥārithah was coming to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and complaining about his wife. He was not happy with her, and she was not happy with him. But the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) told him, ittaqi Allāha wa amsik ʿalayka zawjak: fear Allah, and keep your wife. But things just could not continue, so divorce was a must, and the marriage ended after a year.

And then the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) married her, and that caused a storm of talk against the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him). In Arabia it was a no-no for a man to marry the wife of his adopted son. Adoption was serious then; this was before it was made ḥarām in Islam. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) had adopted Zayd, and he was called Zayd ibn Muḥammad, so all of the rules that applied between a son and his father applied between Muḥammad (peace be upon him) and his son Zayd. And one of the rules that existed in those days was that a man can never marry the wife of his adopted son. So Allah (swt) wanted to break this tradition among the Arabs — and what better way to do so than the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) breaking that rule himself? It carries more weight when the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) does it than when he speaks about it. So the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) married Zaynab bint Jaḥsh.

There were two rulings here. The first ruling is that there is no more adoption, and the second ruling is that a man can marry the wife of his formerly adopted son. Allah (swt) says:

Allah has not made for any man two hearts in his body, nor has He made your wives whom you divorce by ẓihār your mothers, nor has He made your adopted sons your sons. That is only your saying with your mouths; but Allah says the truth, and He shows the right way. Call them by their fathers; it is more just with Allah. But if you do not know their fathers, then they are your brothers in religion and your allies. And there is no blame upon you for what you did in error, but only for what your hearts intended; and Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

This is not adoption in the meaning known today, where one adopts an orphan. No — that is something very good to do; it is very rewardable. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) says, anā wa kāfilu al-yatīmi ka-hātayni fī al-jannah: the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) says that he will be a neighbour of the one who sponsors the orphan (al-Bukhārī 6005). The adoption that is not allowed in Islam is where the adopted son or daughter carries the family name of those who adopt them. In Islam we must carry the names of our ancestors, and not the names of those who have adopted us. This is just a clarification, because the word "adoption" in English might carry a different meaning.